Because I Can't Sleep

Well I can't sleep. Not only can I not sleep. I don't want to go to sleep.
I have 99 problems well you know the rest.
Anyways its late. Or its early? I'm not too sure. But my parents are about to get up and get ready for work. So going back to bed just seems stupid to me now.

It may be that I subconciously don't want to go to sleep. See I wake up in pain. Then by the time the pain subsides its basically bedtime. And then I go to bed and wake up in pain again. Its a vicious cycle that I just can't seem to get away from.

There are steps to feel better. And these steps have taken a few years for me to follow and understand. I am still not sure if I didnt follow these rules from the get go because I didnt understand them or because I didnt want to follow them...

The steps to good health, in my book are as followed.

**Eat Clean...
Paleo.. Paleo..Paleo.
No Gluten. No Gluten at all. Gluten really makes me swell. I can not explain how much better I feel without gluten. My mind feels more clear. And now that I have cut out gluten, I feel like I have made myself allergic to it. Even a small piece of bread, makes me feel super inflammed the next day.

No Red Meat. Too many hormines and salts in red meat. Mainly eating white meat chicken and fish is best for me. Salmon is an anti inflammatory.

Juice it up! Juincing is an excellent way to get lots of nutrients and greens into my body. Juicing helps more than I ever thought it could.

I am trying really hard to cut out dairy. But I am a sucker for some ice cream once in a while.

**Take My Medication.
I can't stress enough how much I hate putting this stuff in my body.
Ugh the stuff it does to me. I feel cloudy, I feel weak, tired. I feel like some thing is controlling my body and it is just not me. God I hate medication so bad. Medication is what did this to me in the first place.

**Crossfit.
Working out if good for the mind, body and soul. When I workout I am able to loosen up my joints and get my blood flowing. It really helps to get my body moving and thaws me out.

I really can't do this. I am doing all the right things. I am eating clean, taking my medication, going to my doctor visits, I am working out. I am sleeping enough, I am resting and I am praying all day to feel better. Why can't I feel better!?! Why can't I just feel better! I am so angry all the time. I am angry because I just want to be who I was before all this came about. I want to be strong, I want to run marathons. I want to be a freaken paramedic. I feel like I am supposed to do something more in this life then just be a chick with R.A. As my disease progresses... I get angrier. As i get angrier I am pushing people away. I just dont know what to do. And as of today, it is literally keeping me up at night. God help me.